God Helps Those Who LOVE & Help Themselves

So yesterday I had a meltdown. The day started out fine, followed my same routine. Oats and egg whites, work, pre-prepped meals. I then headed back home to mom's for our hair appointments (lawd knows I wasn't going to get up on stage before taming my mane :p). Somewhere along the way I let my thoughts catch up with me, probably when I was on the just long enough car ride back to my hometown. That's where the day took a turn. I came to a few final realizations. I've been dodging these thoughts for a while so it's not like they just hit me and bam I had an epiphany.

I've realized that in the last 10 weeks I have slowly slipped into this unhappy, lost, confused mess. In the beginning of my contest prep I was so excited to tackle this new challenge. Little did I know it would entail more detailed work, expenses, planning and changes than I was prepared for. Not to mention the emotional downfalls. If you recall, I was mentioning how I have been having trouble sleeping recently. Looking back, ever since I started contest prep I haven't been able to sleep. I'm constantly stressing and thinking about what I could be doing different or if I should try different approaches to various things or if I should give a new supplement a try. My mind has been so wound up that I can't even sleep.

I haven't been loving myself through this whole process. In fact, it's more like I've been punishing myself. I deprive myself of what I want. Then on top of that I get upset when I don't see fast enough results and turn around and slip up on my diet or beat myself up even more. Slowly but surly I have been sucking myself into a dark hole of hate, disappointment and unhappiness.

 I've gotten my head too wrapped up in this competition. That's not to say that I don't want to ever compete or even do this show I've been training (up until now also known as torturing) myself for. I've learned a lot in this process. And I DO enjoy pushing myself. But I have learned that I need to really visualize patience. Not lose sight of why I honestly love fitness. Putting an expiration date on my progress was one of the biggest mistakes I've made. That is probably what caused the largest portion of my stress. My journey doesn't end on September 14th at my first competition. That is just a mile marker. A stepping stone in the grand scheme of things. The second biggest mistake I've made is comparing. Comparing my physical progress with other first time competitors. Comparing my training and diet outline with others. Comparing what works best for other competitors with what might work best for me. In all the comparing I've lost myself in a cluster of what will actually work best for me and what won't. My body isn't like all these other competitors and what works for them might not work out for me and my body won't respond in the same way that theirs do.

I'm unsure how I'm going to do this yet but I've decided that I need to incorporate ways to remind myself every day to love myself and be patient with myself and the process and lastly to not forget why I am passionate about fitness. My ultimate goal is to live a healthy and balanced lifestyle and to push myself to new limits. Balance and other lifestyle changes don't happen overnight so bear with me while I go under construction. That's all for now.

Xoxo
-B



I've learned that I need to do what I've